Looking back I remember myself and the expectations I had for children and their learning. I remember the structure I put in place, thinking I was doing the right thing. I remember the inappropriate way I expected children to engage with learning, how developmentally inappropriate it was of me to expect them to embark on the 'traditional' learning that I so strongly valued.
Reflecting on this, I regret the stress and anxiety I caused children by doing what I was told to do as a new entrant teacher, what I was trained to do, what I was programmed to value.
I remember the struggles I had managing 'behaviour' enforcing routine and settling children into school. I remember the deficit thinking I applied to children entering school that I didn't think were ready, to their oral language, their readiness for reading and the early childhood that they had come from.
I know now that I was the cause of the behaviour, the upset and the reason why children balked at the routines I so blindly tried to enforce. I was the reason some children didn't seem to fit. I was the reason, my lack of understanding around the actual learning process, how it works and what developmentally appropriate practice looked like in action. It was the way I trivialised play and prioritised achievement through an academic lens that led to some children not truly flourishing.
Owning this is hard. But once I was able to, I was able to truly fix it and learn from it.
Now play and developmentally appropriate practice, guided by a true understanding of relationships and the power of just being present, truly seeing children has led to a transformation to not only my classroom, but my school.
We have had two days back, the children already feel as if they belong. We've had even the most shy, anxious child embark on the school journey with happiness. This brings me absolute joy. Play has already allowed me to see children, their needs, their individuality, their interests, their urges. It has already opened up the curriculum in a way that my previously narrow, teacher led approach never could.
Play has taken away any stress. It has allowed me to meet children where they are at, not the other way around. I has allowed me to be ready for them, not the other way around. Our classroom already belongs to all of us, everyone already feels successful.
I have been able to own my practice and the damage it was doing, I have been able to fix it and I have been able to learn from it. I will never go back, and I want that to be a gift I can give to everyone.
